On cookies, hunger, anxiety, and sleep.

Today is a gloomy day. Rainy. Cold. Blugh. As for me, I am still cuddled up in bed with my puppy and our brand new laptop. I have my 35 week appointment today, but everything has been good as far as blood pressure goes, baby has been active, and I feel good overall, so I really don't expect any surprises.  I cannot believe that Miss Eden Ansley will be here in 5 weeks (or less) (ok..or maybe a little more,) but time is ticking, and this is definitely becoming more real. Earlier in my pregnancy my doctor had said that she would induce me at 37 weeks regardless of how my blood pressure was at that time, because she said that it being high early on was an indicator that something was not normal about my pregnancy. However, my blood pressure has been wonderful for so long, that I really don't see this happening, so I am not counting on meeting our little angel in two weeks, and I know it really is best for her to stay in as long as possible. Did I mention that I praise God daily for this, because my bp going low and staying low definitely is unexpected, even by my dr.

On food...I have been ravenous lately, and I feel that I need to document this, so that I can look back and laugh later on when I am no longer pregnant. Last night was the worse, I was so hungry, and every time I ate something, I felt just as hungry.  I had two no bake cookies, then a piece of 2% Colby jack string cheese, then a piece of swiss cheese, then a cup of fat free tapioca (I don't even really like tapioca),  before feeling full. I hate going to bed hungry.

About those cookies...At 35 weeks pregnant, and like I said, ravenous, cookies are not a good item to have anywhere in the house. However, Josh decided to bake Snickerdoodles and no bakes to take to work, and then he decided to leave the no bakes at home. These are probably the best no-bakes I have ever had, might I add!  How sweet, huh? Not so much! It is a constant temptation and a constant battle between," I know I don't need it", and "I really do need another." It's bad. I recently started documenting my nutrition and fitness on MyFitnessPal again, because I realized that although I was trying to eat nutritiously, I was still probably taking in many more calories than I actually needed. I have also begun doing 40 minutes on the arc trainer at the gym daily. My weight gain has slowed down significantly, and I am feeling much better about myself.

On sleeping...I really haven't been sleeping well lately, and I think this is due to anxiety. I am anxious about so many things. I know that some of them are irrational, however, I just can't help it! I know my time at home has been a blessing, because I have been able to spend more time focusing on what God's word says about anxiety, worry, fear, etc. This time in the morning has been awesome non-rushed time spent journaling, in the word, reading my devotional, and in prayer. However the 10+ hours a day I spend at home, also gives me a lot of time to think about and dwell on things. My mind goes to some pretty unpleasant places. Lately, I have not been able to sleep, not only due to anxiety, but also due to not being able to get comfortable. The time after 6am when Josh is gone to work is wonderful, because I stretch out with all the pillows, and have the whole bed to myself. Throughout the night though, it is just hard to get comfortable. I think it could be much worse though.

Well, I think that's all for today . . . I am going to force myself out of this oh-so-comfy bed, make a chai tea latte, and some oatmeal with berries, and have my quiet time. Then it's off to the gym. I have a pretty busy day today!

31 weeks

Tomorrow I will go for my 31 week appointment, but things overall have been going well. Blood pressure has been low, as of this week. Last week, it was elevated, and I went to triage for some testing, just to be safe, but everything came back normal, so I was able to come home after a few hours, and didn't have to stay for a 24 hour observation. I am thankful that blood pressure is doing so much better.

I have been able to get a lot of crafty projects and organizing done around the house.

Just getting lots of things done before our little girl gets here.

34 weeks 3 days Update

Since my last post was on January 7th, I am long overdue for an update, and a lot has been going on since then. I honestly cannot believe how fast the time has passed! In that post, I was beginning to find peace about having to stay at home, and was starting to get some things done around the house to keep myself busy. I was 27 weeks at that time, and my blood pressure had become somewhat lower and more stable. I am currently 34 weeks, and am thrilled to say that my blood pressure has been low since my last post (except for one spike that sent me to St. Mary's for an observation, but it actually lowered while I was there, everything else looked great, and I was able to go home a few hours later.) My mom delievered me at 33 weeks. I am thankful to have made it past that mark with no signs of Preclampsia. All the glory goes to God and to the many prayers that have been lifted up for this. I am so thankful!

I have come to enjoy my time at home (most of the time.) I still miss my class and hate not being there with them, but I definitely see that God had a plan for my time at home, and I am thankful that I have had it. It's hard to believe that in 39 days (or less) our baby girl will be here! It's becoming even more real.

In the last few weeks, I have finished the nursery. Josh is still working on a shelf to put under the window. I can't wait to see it complete. We have had three baby showers so far and have gotten lots of wonderful things for Eden and for the nursery. I have also gotten lots of cleaning around the house and tried many new recipes.

Now we are just counting down the days and waiting anxiously for Eden's arrival.

Today I am thankful for my time spent at home to get some rest. Yes, I said it, I am thankful to be off from work (today anyway) so that I could rest. I needed to catch up after the weekend: dinner with friends at Bonefish and games at our house, lunch with my mom, church, and the bridal show. Probably a little busier than I should have been, but my blood pressure stayed low overall (Thankful for that!), and Sunday night was spent on the couch in my pjs and fuzzy socks..

Today, I stayed in bed past eight, (except for the times I had to get up to go to the bathroom and get a snack!) This never happens, which was exciting. Around six Riley even ran and jumped onto the bed about five times, but I stayed in bed! I knew I needed it.

It was nice staying in my pjs this morning, taking my time making/eating breakfast and having my quiet time. (God is still working on me---teaching me to be content, have peace, not to worry, etc...). I am feeling a difference, but it's taking time, and will continue to take more, I'm sure. It felt nice to not be rushed.

I organized the hall closet and the drawers in my bathroom, and also put another small dent in the nursery closet. That one is still going to take some work! I  also went for a slow walk (don't worry, my doctor okayed this). Then a friend came over and we lounged around. She showed me some more about "Swagbucks" and we baked/decorated cookies.

It's been a good day and a nice start to my week.

Holidays/26 weeks

The holidays have been a much-needed distraction for me.  Family time. Food. Indianapolis. Friends. Snow. Fuzzy socks. Movies. Reading. Starbucks. Husband time. Crafts. Ya, that about sums it up, and it has been nice. I think I will still have a hard time on January 2nd, when all of the Evans staff returns to school, and on January 3rd, when the kiddos come back, but each day I am able to be more content with my current circumstances. The holidays have definitely helped. Still looking forward to time with my very first best friend, making pizzas and going to orange leaf tomorrow, New Years Eve  date with great friends, a nice dinner, and chocolate fondu, sister in law time for a couple of days, and craft time/ lunch date on Friday.  I have so many things to be thnakful for, and I am reminding myself of that daily. Still having my daily quiet times too. I am reading Calm My Anxious Heart,  as well as devotionals on my phone on the topics Fear, Anxiety, Contentment, and Peace. It is helping. Slowly but surely.

On Thursday, I had my 26 week appointment. My blood pressure was pretty high. 150something over 80something. Highest that it has been since my last appointment. I think it was nerves! Although, it stayed high for most of the following day, and is back to normal now. Could nerves related to the doctor's office really cause my blood pressure to spike and then stay high for that long?? At this appointment, the doctor told me that since there is something abnormal about my pregnancy, she will not allow me to carry past 37 weeks. If I have carried to 37 weeks, I will induced on that date. This puts us at or around March 14th for her arrival (instead of April 4th). I feel like she will be here before we know it, and there is still so much left to do. Good thing, I have 8 hour work days to get it all done. :) Since my due date was pushed up, and she could possibly come sooner, there is a very good chance that I'll be returning to school to finish up the end of the school year. Grandmas have agreed to stay with Miss Eden if this is the case, so that we do not have to start her in daycare until August, when I start a new school year.

That about sums up everything going on for me. Here is how you can pray for us now:
- pray that my blood pressure stays low and does not progress to Preclampsia
- pray that baby stays in until it is a healthy time for her to be born
- pray that I will trust in God, find peace and not be anxious.

Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays

"Jobless" Perks

I've been off work for 4 days now, and although it feels like much longer, I have begun to look at the perks of being "jobless." I'm writing to share those with you, but before I do, I would like to make a little disclaimer: for those of you who have a job that you love and are able to go to each day, but find yourself dreaming of life without work from time to time, being off work indefinitely is not as glamourous or wonderful as it may seem. Not for someone who loves their job as much as I do.  Nevertheless, I am trying my best to enjoy my time at home, because as many have told me, the next time I will have this extended amount of time off will be retirement (or maybe next time I get pregnant, but I would prefer that it be retirement, as I'm hopeful that this will not be a normal occurance when it comes to my pregnancies...) And since retirement is a long time away, I am trying to enjoy the time that I have been given, even if I would have chosen other use of this time.

Perk 1- A Routine & Quiet Time-When thinking about time off from work, I would have thought that sleeping till 10 am and spending my day in pjs lounging on the couch watching chick flicks would top my list of perks for time off work. However, this is not the case. I am trying my best to keep some kind of routine (mainly for my sanity.) This week I have woken up when Josh gets up to go to work, he's checked my blood pressure (which has been great!), and then we've eaten breakfast together before he heads off for work. After he leaves, then I spend a good amount of time reading my devotionals, spending time in the word and in prayer, and I have to admit it is a great unrushed start to my day. Then I make myself take a shower and get ready for the day. It just makes me feel better.

Perk 2-Pinterest Catch up- Since summer, my Pinterest boards have been terribly neglected, so I have spent the past four days catching up. I have pinned lots of  recipes, baby shower ideas, nursery ideas, some teaching ideas, and more. These pins are giving me random things to do throughout the day. This can be done while laying on the couch with my feet up and the tv on.

Perk 3- Plenty of time to Scrapbook- I love scrapbooking, but rarely have time. I had acutally planned on having each guest at my baby shower create a scrapbooking page for me, so that I could use them to create Miss Eden's scrapbook after she arrives. However, now with all my free time, I have decided to create my own scrapbook for her instead, and I have begun working on it this week. It's something great to do while still relaxing, with my feet up.

Perk 4- Cooking and Baking- This one is somewhat related to Perk 2. Cooking and Baking. I love to do it, but again, rarely do, because I am so busy with school. Most days during this school year, I arrived at 6:30 and left around 4:30. That makes for long days. Then in recent days, I had been walking an hour each day, and that left little time and energy for cooking when I got home. Josh is great about doing it, but it is something I enjoy doing, especially with all the delicious looking ideas that I have pinned on pinterest. So far since I've been off, I have made crock pot beef stew and homemade biscuits, chicken chili,  white chocolate chex mix, chicken/black bean/cream cheese/mexican yumminess that you eat on tortillas, a healthy banana nutella smoothie, and I am excited about trying other recipes that I have pinned (especially the crock pot ones.)

I will keep you updated as I think of more perks, but these are the top 4 this week. Don't get me wrong, I still miss my job, I still miss my class (terribly!) But I am trying my best to be thankful for this time. On Friday afternoon, I was lucky enough to be able to skype with my class, and they seemed to have mixed feelings about whether or not I should be resting or at school teaching them. They were so sweet. They didn't want to start thier Christmas party, because they just wanted to talk with me. I love them!

Have a good weekend and a good Christmas. Do something that you enjoy and consider relaxing.

Monday Appointment, Contentment, and More.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was scheduled for a follow up appointment with my doctor this week. I went in for Monday, and got some unexpected news. She requested that I take the remainder of my pregnancy off from work due to prenatal hypertension. She told me that this is what most doctors would request with someone having hypertension so early in their pregnancy. She also said that it was the only option. She said that she will not be surprised at all if the hypertension eventually progresses into Preclampsia. I was in shock. (I still might be a little.)

And to be honest. I've cried. (at least 5 times) Why? I love my job. I have said numerous times that my job doesn't even feel like work (most of the time) I thought I still had months left with my precious students, months left to perfect my maternity leave notes, months left to prepare these kiddos for the dreaded standardized testing, months left to prepare them for when I am gone. I teach a special education inclusion class, and change is hard for many of these kids. I wanted to do my best to prepare them for such a big change, instead I didn't get to prepare them at all (I was planning to teach until Spring Break!), hardly got a chance to tell them good-bye. By far the hardest part for me is that since I am on FMLA, I am unable even to step foot into the school, so no visiting, at all. How do you explain that to eight and nine year olds? I'd hate for them to think that I don't want to visit them...

Even though this news is still very fresh, God is already at work, and that is how I know that all of this, even if I don't understand it, even if it's not what I want for myself, is all part of God's perfect plan for my life and for my little girl's. I'm pretty sure God wanted to make very clear that he was speaking to me in the past 36 hours or so. Let me explain.

I read a pregnancy devotional book each morning, but I had gotten a little behind in the book, so last night I got the book out to catch up. The topic for the day that I was on was Finding Contentment, followed by the verse, Philippians 4:12-13, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation  whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."  I know that I haven't been definitely "content" with the situation that I am in right now, so I just thought, Ok, God, I get it. On a side note, I took a sneak peek ahead in my devotional and the topic is. Making Sacrifies for Your Baby, with the verse, "Whatever you do, do everything for God's glory-  1 Corinthians 10:31.

Anyway, I put away my devotional book, and got out my kindle. Someone recommended the book, Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. lo and behold, God reminded me again of Philippians 4:12-13, along with the following recipe for contentment.

• Never allow yourself to complain about anything--even the weather.
• Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
• Never compare your lot with another's.
• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
• Never dwell on tomorrow--remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours.

I am sad to admit that I have been doing all of the above, but God is at work.  He just might think I need to hear about contentment more than one time...

This morning before I got into the shower, I turned on an audio devotional. I have gotten into this habit this school year. This morning, the devotional was Joyce Meyer, and the topic was.....Consistently Content! God definitely knows me well, and knows that I need lots and lots and lots of reminders.

So, if you've actually made it through this novel-blog, I would appreciate prayers in the following ways.

• That I will be content with the circumstances that God has given me at this time of my life.
• That my blood pressure will stay low and my condition won't progress to Preclampsia too early.
• That Eden will stay healthy and continue growing inside for a long while!
• That God will be with my class and their new teacher, and help them to all adjust well.

Today I am thankful:

• for a husband who takes care of me, eats breakfast (that he cooks) with me before he goes to work, and learns to take blood pressure  manually so that we don't have to use a digital machine.
• that my baby girl is growing nicely, despite my Hypertension.
• for my mom who came to bring me lunch, decorate cookies with me, and keep me company
• for friends and family who are supporting me, encouraging me, and spending time with me
• for the first semester that I got to teach my wonderful class at Evans.
• for supportive administrators at my school
• for Evans faculty who are keeping me posted and updated 

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers!