Oh, Riley

Riley had his one year birthday this month, and he is still chewing, destroying, and demolishing things on a regular basis.  When does it ever end? I thought he would be growing out of it by now. Last week, he chewed up a stuffed squirrel. Tore it to shreds all over the living room. (Pictures on facebook.) Then, today he chewed a pillow, tore it even more to shreds than the squirrel with stuffing everywhere. He also knocked a plant over on the carpet, chewed part of a razor and some other random papers, all while I was taking a  much-needed nap and all with his muzzle on!! What do we do? I think we need to go back to obedience school. Pronto.

This morning, when Ashlee and I were taking showers, we both heard Riley barking, growling, and sounding all vicious. At first I thought that maybe he was barking because Ashlee was in the bathroom with the door closed, but after walking into the hallway, I could see that he was standing in the guest bedroom barking, which freaked me out. Ashlee and I decided to get a knife from the kitchen (just to be safe?...I don't know) Anyway, we walked slowly into the guest bedroom to see that Riley was barking at an empty room. (Well, empty of predators that is) It appeared that Riley was barking at  a pair of Ashlee's pants laying on the guest bed, and the feeling was confirmed when he jumped back a couple feet when Ashlee went to move the pants. It's okay though, we let him sniff them, and he is no longer afraid of Ashlee's pants.

Below is a popular video circulating around right now---I found out about it via Bridgett Nelson. It's currently on Youtube. Sure wish Riley reacted with this kind of remorse.

Last night, I had a girl's night with Ashlee, Bridgett, Erin, and Cassie. It was a great time! We had dinner, drinks, lots of girl talk, and painted our nails. This weekend I am excited for Heather Jo to visit, seeing Katie E. and Beth Heisler, and for a 31 party with my girls. This week has been a long one, but I guess it is to be expected for the week after Spring Break!

Good-bye Spring Break

So this blog is a continuation of a blog I started on Sunday.......

 I'm not going to do the whole Made to Crave blog today, but today Spring Break is coming to an end, and my feelings are quite mixed about going back tomorrow. Waking up at 5a.m. (or before) is not ideal . . .I haven't opened my eyes before 8a.m. any day on Spring Break. Lazy, I think not. I was resting to prepare for the inevitable: going back. I will definitely need a double K-cup. I am excited for the lessons that I have planned. Spring Break gave me plenty of time to get my creative-lesson-planning-juices flowing to prepare for the week to come. I have six weeks until the special education teacher comes back and I am finished at Howard Roosa. I am sure those 6 weeks will fly by...Then I need to figure out what I will be doing this summer, once subbing comes to and end. Still hoping and praying for a teaching job for next year. I'd appreciate the prayers there.

I have been logging my food on a diary on my IPOD. It is called MyFitnessPal and you can also do it on a Smart Phone or on the computer. I love it! At the beginning it profiles you asking what your height, weight, and ideal weight are.  You enter the food that you eat throughout the day and it tells you  how many calories and how much fat you have consumed, as well as which nutrients you need more of and have had too much of. It has really opened my eyes to the times that I do overeat  and the fact that I use food when I am bored, feel sad, am stressed, etc, etc. Although I have gone over by a few calories almost every day, I know that I am getting closer to eating the amount that I am "supposed to eat."

Robert and Ashlee came over for dinner last night. I made stroganoff and meatballs for the first time. I even blended the mushrooms--per my husband's request. Sure hope our kids do not take after his picky eating habits.  :) I also made angel food cake with pudding icing. Yum. We had a good time!!

Tonight, Tonya and Jordan came over. We had tacos with all kinds of fixings and ah-mazing peanut butter pie that Tonya made. YUM!  Another good night!

Tomorrow night I am having a girls' night. Josh will be in Indianapolis, so let the girlieness begin!

That's all for today!

Temporary Relapse

So, I had a wonderful dinner tonight with Cassie Paugh. Wonderful that is, minus the feelings I felt physically and spiritually  after over-filling myself with black bean quesadilla, margaritas, and chips with ranch. *Sigh.* It has been so good to not have this feeling for a while, but today I had what you  call a food relapse. I relapsed big-time into my pre-journey state. . . Was the food good? Yes! Would I have been satisfied with eating half as much? Yes... Not. Good. I was talking and having such a great time, don't get me wrong, but as we talked and caught up, I ate, and ate, and ate, and ate...and you get the picture. I ate a lot! I felt like someone needed to roll me out at the end of the meal, and I lost my feeling of satisfaction that I had been carrying for quite some time on this journey. At the end of the day now though as I sit on the couch typing this (in my stretchy yoga pants and a baggy tee) I am satisfied with knowing that even though I messed up, even though I didn't listen to the screaming voice telling me to stop, even though I ate more than I needed, and went against everything this journey I am on is all about, my God still loves me unconditionally, and he tells me that I can start fresh with my next choice. How comforting is that? I am not ruined for one healthy food choice. What a relief.

 I am realizing that the longer I spend focusing on the issue at heart--not just food and not just the way I look, that I am beginning to crave healthier things, make better choices, and enjoy running again. Yes, I said it, I am beginning to actually enjoy running. I have made tangible changes, that I am beginning to see the results of now. Even if those results do not include shedding ten pounds. (Remember that wasn't the purpose when I began this journey.) I get excited to go to the grocery store (I guess that makes me old and married, but Schnucks on the Eastside has the biggest produce section I have ever seen---it is amazing!) so that I can browse and see what kinds of things that I can get to spice up my salads. I have been getting a lettuce herb mix that has cilantro and other things in it. . It is very yummy. I've added to it tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, cucumbers, olives, low fat cheese....Any suggestions? I have been eating a lot of salads, and .  .. enjoying them! The Sundried Tomato Vinagrette dressing made with extra virgin olive oil is my new favorite. I can honestly tell you that I have begun to actually crave these salads. Praise Jesus, I'm craving salad!!! I definitely never thought that would happen.

 I also thought that I would never have a desire to run, and if for no other reason, I know that God is at work because of this, because this girl is not a salad-eating, run-loving kind of girl. No way. No how. I ran a mile and a half at the gym and then did fifteen minutes on the stair stepper yesterday, and I left there feeling so full of energy and satisfied with myself. Will I always want to run? Probably not, but I am excited for stepping one foot at least in the right direction. My brother gave me his I-pod touch, because he doesn't use it. Thank you, Andrew! I plan to use it to get myself pumped up for running. I downloaded a running mix today of 150 songs. I am excited to use it tomorrow when I go to the gym. It's the little things that make me continue on this journey, as well as the huge fact that my life is not consumed with the food choices that I make or the way my body looks in the mirror. I am more than the way that I look. I am more than the ice cream in the freezer that taunts me as I type.

God is working in me. To some, it might sound silly, but I do believe that unhealthy food choices and craving other things more than I crave God have been a barrier to my relationship with Him. When satisfied completely by Him, I do not have to bring guilt and dissatisfaction to the work that he has for me.

'7x70' by Chris August, No Far Away

God uses songs to teach me, stretch me, comfort me, love me, heal me, all of the time. This is definitely the one he is using for me right now. I just wanted to share it with all of you.

Lyrics to 7x70 :

I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they’ve seen me torn
They’ve heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They’ve had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart

7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

I remember running down the hallway
Playing hide-and-seek
I didn’t know that I was searching
For someone to notice me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I’m s’posed to be learning to love you
Let me doubt again

7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m all right now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you
I forgive you

7 times 70 times
If that’s the cost I’ll pay the price
7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times
There’s healing in this house tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
Yeah
I’m gonna wrap it all around

I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born

Day 16

We have officially been Evansvillians for a week and 2 days now. It's going well so far. I am spending a lot of time getting the house ready, catching up with old friends, cooking, cleaning, walking the dog, and doing domestic kind of things. I kind of like this life. :) Josh and I got excited about something totally domestic the other day---like new laundry detergent, finding the cat liter scoop out of a box or on-sale eggs--I can't remember what it was, but it made us realize that we are definitely making the transition from college life to married-with-jobs-life, and it's actually pretty enjoyable.

My job is on hold this week, thanks to SPRING BREAK. Did I hear you say Praise Jesus!? That is exactly how I feel. I spent my first day of break sleeping in, lesson planning, catching up on some reading, getting a manicure, buying paint, working out, walking the dog, making dinner, and spending time with my husband and a friend. The weather was perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more. 

Along with my reading, I caught up with Made to Crave today. Here it is:

Day 16: The "G" word

“As the deer pants for steams of water, so my soul thirsts for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?” (Psalm 42:1–2)

Lysa says, "Have you ever heard a sermon about your eating habits? I doubt it. Excessive drinking, yes. Excessive eating, never. At least I hadn’t until a historic church-going day when the preacher man pulled out the big “G” word: gluttony. I rolled my eyes, as you have just done, and thought, “How dare you say to me that eating is a sinful desire?” But his point was brilliant and I took it to heart. How can we stand and wag our fingers in the direction of alcohol only to walk into the church-wide, covered-dish buffet and stuff ourselves sick with fried, covered-and-smothered, grossly caloric delights that buckle our paper plates and cause our stomachs to cry for antacids?" This is so true!

"I want you to hear me. I’m not saying that eating is a sinful desire. What I am saying is, if you have a script like this (“I’m fat, I’m ugly, and I’m not capable of getting it together”) playing in your mind, then something is waging war against your soul.

First Peter 2:11 reminds us, “Dear friends, I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world to abstain from sinful desires which wage war against your soul.” In other words, if something is waging war against your soul, it is a sinful desire. Now please hear me again. Eating in and of itself is not a sinful desire. God made us to consume food, but food was never supposed to consume us. And if food starts consuming us to the point where we cannot feel empowered, then that is a problem."

When we rely on food for satisfaction, just like relying on anything else to fill us, we are always left wanting more. For instance, Josh made a delicious Paula Deen Sheet Cake yesterday. Did I need this? No. (YESS!!!) Did I have more than I needed...maybe? I had plenty. I was physically full, but my desire was not fulfilled. No cake, no matter how wonderful it is will ever fill me up the way than God does. When we attempt to fill ourselves up with things other than God, then we are left feeling emptier than before.

"Our souls have the same ravenous intensity as a vacuum cleaner; that’s how God created us—with a longing to be filled. It is a longing God instilled to draw us into deep intimacy with Him. The psalmist expresses this longing as an intense thirst:

As the deer pants for steams of water, so my soul thirsts for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

Indeed, our souls are thirsty and ravenous vacuums. If we fail to fill our souls with spiritual nourishment, we will forever be triggered to numb our longings with other temporary physical pleasures that will never satisfy."

Sometimes I know that I let my crazy-busy life get the most of my time with God. There is so many other things to do, but I know that each day I must make spending time with him a priority so that I can be full by the only One who can fill me up.  

Riley enjoying his last moments in Seymour.

 Home Sweet Home

Ry at Home

Hello, again!

I'm back from my unplanned hiatus from my blog. I  guess that's just how life goes sometimes. The past few days seem kind of like a crazy whirlwind. Not so exciting, full of sickness, teaching, sleeping, teaching, sleeping, eating a little bit, teaching, sleeping. I am finally starting to feel like myself again. Good-bye sickness! Hello energy! I'm glad you're back.
Today is day 10 as an Elementary School Special Education teacher at an elementary school in grades K-4, and I am really enjoying it. (4 more days until teacher pay!!) A lot of my students have had or still have very rough lives. Each day is a challenge, but I am learning and growing as a teacher, and trying to remember to keep these kids in my prayers at all times. I am beginning to truly care for them and about their situations. I want each of them to be able to learn, but not only that, I want them to love learning.
On other blog worthy news, I am so excited to be a bridesmaid in Miss Erin Baumgarts' wedding this fal. She is going to be a beautiful bride, and I am beyond excited to hear about it all!!
Day 15- Made to Crave
I will admit, being sick kind of took away my desire to be on the Made to Crave journey. I was not able to work out, because I was too busy sleeping, and when I ate, I wanted something fast, easy, and close. Like a large BBQ chicken pizza from Papa Johns delivered to my doorstep or vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. It made my throat feel better, but hey, I'm back on it today!
Thought for today: Just because a woman is skinny doesn’t mean that she’s healthy. The struggles are similar, just in a different size package.
"One problem with trying to eat healthy is when you sit down next to a skinny girl who wolfs down everything on her plate. It makes me want to say, “I’ll have what she’s having.” A similar frustration pops up when Ms. Petite picks up her kids in a cute tennis outfit that I could never wear."
For me, it is sitting down next to a skinny husband who can eat anything that his little heart desires. Why  can't I, I wonder, feeling sorry for myself. If he can do it, I should be able to too, and probably more often than not, I do. 
I have realized that when I compare myself with other people, I am only thinking about what I do not have, and I become blind to what I do have. I begin to think in a way that is not healthy. If only I were thinner, then I'd be happy. If I looked like she does, then I'd be happy.  I forget in these moments, that everyone has not-so-good things.
Lysa says,
"Sure, my size-two friend could eat all the snacks she wanted, but she’s got other struggles for which she has to depend on God. For instance, consider that skinny girl in your life who eats whatever she wants and makes you think, “How unfair.” Yet listen to what she might say in return, as someone once shared with me: “I am one of the skinny girls, but don’t mistake skinny for healthy. I battle depression, self-esteem issues, and verbal abuse. The list seems endless. Being little doesn’t make a person any more happy or faithful or joyful. The struggles are similar, just in a different size package.”

James 1:3–4 says, The testing of your faith develops perseverance, and perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature, complete, not lacking anything.

This will become my prayer: (Maybe you should make it yours too.) “God, I recognize that I am made for more than the vicious cycle of being ruled by food, body image, and comparing myself to others. I am thankful that You made my body unique in ways that I can serve You and in ways that turn my reliance upon You. I need to eat to live, not live to eat. So I keep asking for Your wisdom to know what to eat and Your indwelling power to walk away from things and thoughts that are not beneficial for me.”

"Oh sweet sisters, this truth should be the cry of our souls and drown out Satan’s lie that “she has it easier.” Our taste buds crave many things to satisfy, but only persevering with God will make us truly full."

Child Artwork

First Grade Drawing - PRICELESS! 
A first grade girl handed in the drawing above 
for her homework assignment.. 
   
 The teacher graded it and the child brought it home. 
She returned to school the next day with the following note: 

Dear Ms. Davis, 
I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration. 
It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. 
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. 
This drawing is of me selling a shovel. 
Sincerely, 
Mrs. Harrington

Day 14

  I had a wonderful date with my husband last night. Dinner at Max&Ermas. Then went to the mall, and he pampered me by having my get a manicure. Then I got a new outfit for going to the gym. Maybe it will motivate me. :) Here is day 14 of my Made to Crave journey.

“His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” (Lamentations 3:22–24).  Say it again! I just love the truth found in this verse.

Lysa discusses how a Biblical story made her think of portion control in a whole new way. Now, after reading the story again myself, I would have to totally agree with her.

"The term “portion control” took on a whole new meaning for me one day when I read the response that God’s people had after Moses led them out of slavery in Egypt. God had performed several sensational miracles to help them escape their captors. Yet they panicked when food became scarce. They even asked to go back to slavery in Egypt where food was supposedly abundant. But God planned to use their desire for food to teach them about daily dependence upon Him. As Israelites traveled through the desert, each morning God would rain down exactly what they needed for nourishment—a provision called “manna,” which I imagine was something like little, sweet, potato flakes. They were to collect just enough manna for the day. They couldn’t gather extra, except before the Sabbath day of rest, or it would rot. This daily process was intended to put them in the habit of dependence on God, and only God. However, the Israelites began to grumble and turned their hearts against God. So He took them on a detour. Instead of heading straight to the Promised Land of freedom, they wandered in the desert for forty years while they learned how to truly depend on God."

WOW! I do not want to spend the next 40 years trying to figure this thing out! I do not want to continue going through this same struggle, reliving this same cycle,  going through these same motions. I cannot. I will not, because I was made for more. Here is what I need to do and maybe you need to too. 
1. Stop focusing on my body-image and weight so constantly. The way I look is not what defines me,
2. Stop grumbling about my body-image constantly. 
3. EMBRACE the freedom to walk in the grace that God has for me. 

 God is the perfect portion for everything we need, every longing we have, every desperate desire of our soul.

God is ALWAYS there! He is there when I am tired and want to much on salty chips while sitting on the couch spaced out in front of the tv. Instead, I can turn to him and say, "God, I am tired, please help me find rest in you alone. Give me the strength to accomplish what I need to accomplish." He is there when I have an argument with a family member or a stressful day at work when I want to order a pepperoni pizza to eat alone with chocolate for dessert. "God be my comforter. Help me to show your love and forgivenes, even when I do not feel like it."  He is always there, and in those times when I want to reach for the Girl Scout Cookies or starbust, I must choose to turn to him instead.

 "Whatever your situation, ask God to be your daily portion of companionship, provision, and patience—over and over. Soon, you’ll find yourself walking in victory over those things instead of looking back over tears and a pile of cake crumbs."