Life with Two.

When we found out we were expecting baby #2, a little over a year ago, I was flooded with  emotion. Joy for the tiny little one growing inside of me, worry about how I could ever love this baby as much as I loved its big sister, fear that I wouldn't have enough time or energy to be all that I needed to be for two children (let's be honest---this happened a little more quickly than we thought it would), but more than all of that  I was filled with instant love and excitement for the new life that I would meet in just over nine months---what felt like an eternity at the time.

When Emmett arrived via planned c-section on a cold February day, he was nothing short of the sweet little bundle that we had hoped and prayed for, and I was bursting with love like I had only  felt once before a little less than two years prior.  My worry of not being able to love him the way I loved his sister seemed silly now. Seeing Eden with him for the first time was one of the best experiences I have ever had--although blurred by exhaustion and pain medication. It was a vision for me of the great big sister she would be.

Then we were sent home. I cried on the way home from the hospital--Exhausted. How can we do this? Maybe we aren't cut out for having two kids?? Josh assured me that we would be fine and also reminded me that we did indeed have two kids, so there was no looking back. Emmett cried because he was hungry. I cried because I was hungry. All I wanted was a cold lunch meat sandwich. The Subway line was too long to wait with a screaming baby. Thank goodness for great friends (Angie Schwengel) willing to go out of her way to bring a new mommy something to eat. Emmett struggled with nursing due to being latch issues and jaundice, and although I felt like he was nursing pretty much 24/7 around the clock, he wasn't actually getting enough milk. I became engorged and feverish. He was losing weight. It seemed hopeless. Why did something so natural  have to be so hard. I went for many consultations at the Women's Hospital and was crying as I waited most of the time. The nurses acted like it was completely normal---as I'm sure they are completely used to it. I sobbed to them about how I didn't know if I could do it. I told them about my two year old at home, scribbling on her bedroom wall while I was nursing, and confessed my feeling like I was neglecting her. "He's not my only one," I told them. "I can't spend all my time nursing him!" It seemed like an eternity that I spent nursing him for 15-20 minutes on each side, pumping, and then feeding him a bottle every 2 hours (3 hours at night) around the clock. It was one of the hardest things ever at the time, and it seemed like it would never end, but looking back it was such a short time.

With some time to rest  today on Labor day, after a long night up with a sick baby, I'm reflecting on the what life has become in the past six months with two kids. We have been tired. So tired.  However, nothing that a little blueberry or Cinnabon Keurig coffee won't cure. And busy.  So busy. Busy feeding and changing, potty training, dressing, playing, reading bedtime stories, giving medicine and baths, packing diaper bags, getting bottles and outfits ready. Busy in a way that we never really thought about but has become so worth it. Everyone keeps telling me how big Emmett is getting. "He's growing so fast," they tell me. "Oh wow, he's so much bigger than last time we saw him!" Someone even asked me today if he was getting close to a year. "NO! No way!! He's still a baby," I told them. "A little bitty baby." But I  am aware of how fast time goes. That is why I am going to reflect for a minute and be thankful for my two little blessings, no matter how crazy life has become, and when I am done reflecting, I am going to turn off the lamp, silence my cell phone, and fall asleep peacefully, hoping not to hear any baby coos or cries until at least 4 am. A mom can dream, right?

A Day in the Life

Today has been a nice day.  It started off last night, Emmett slept from10-4:30, giving mommy and daddy some much needed rest after three nights of eating every twoish hours. Wish that I hadn't woken up to check on him every couple hours--maybe tonight Emmett will sleep and so will mommy.

This morning the kids slept long enough to give me time to pump, enjoy my coffee with my coconut milk creamer (which I have gotten used to, and actually kind of enjoy), and have a little quiet time. I even got to catch up on some news. Then I made breakfast oatmeal, yogurt, and bananas for Eden, pita bread with peanut butter, granola, honey, and bananas for mommy, and of course milk for Emmett. :-p. We had breakfast, I got both kids ready, and even had time to brush my teeth and put make up on while Eden watched Daniel Tiger. Then with time still to spare, I got lunch ready for after our playdate--mac-n-cheese and a beef hot dog for Eden and a BBQ chicken salad with avacado for me.. I kind of felt like I had this whole mom-of-two-two-and-under thing all together, at least for the morning.

We had fun at the zoo for our play date with Julie and Hope. The little monkeys fit right in, and enjoyed seeing all the animals, although they couldn't make up their mind whether they wanted to walk, ride in each others' stroller, or be carried. Eden also tried to pretend that we don't feed her and begged for all of Hope's snacks. I have got to start remembering more snacks. That girl likes to eat. Although my snacks probably wouldn't be as good as "Hopey's snacks." For being at the zoo almost two hours, and for doing a lot of walking, the girls did great. Eden was asleep before we hit Diamond.

Too bad that after her lunch and a cookie for dessert, Eden has now been in her room for over an hour, doing everything but napping. I really thought we had worn her out this morning. Guess not! She is currently yelling and kicking her wall. Little stinker. At least she is staying in her room and having somewhat quiet time---that is not always the case! At least with her in her room, and Emmett napping in his swing, I have had time to do a little picking up, and getting tacos ready for dinner, before a walk with Brook and Emma this afternoon.

I am enjoying this stay at home thing--I don't think I could do it all of the time, but I sure am savoring these simple days when their nice, calm, and structured like today, and even when they're a little crazier. I wouldn't trade these days with my two little ones for anything.

Gassy Emmett

Emmett's tummy is miserable. He is constantly gassy and grunting and fussing and passing gas and crying in pain. It is very sad to see. He is only really content if I am holding him against my chest, and even then, his knees are curled up and his back is arched. He spits up constantly and screams out in pain...then passes gas. The lactation consultant at the hospital recommended that I cut out dairy immediately as she thinks his behavior is for sure the result of something in my diet, and dairy is the most common culprit for upsetting baby's tummy. It takes three weeks to fully get out of my system, so until then, we just wait.

I miss creamer. I had really been enjoying my coffee in the morning with my Girl Scout thin mint coffee mate creamer. Yum. It made getting up at 5am doable. Almost enjoyable.

I miss my protein shakes. They get me started off on the right foot and keep me full throughout the morning. They make me less ravenous during the day and help me to have more self control when it comes to what I eat.

I miss my cheese sticks and greek yogurt. These are two of my biggest go to snacks, especially during late night feedings.

It's worth it though. He's worth it. Seeing him not in pain after he eats, totally worth it.

The Best Days

Last night was rough, and tiring, and even a slight bit frustraitng. Emmett wanted to nurse about every 2 hours for about 45 minutes each time. When he wasn't nursing, he wanted to lay in his bed and grunt and sqeak and gasp and keep mommy and daddy awake with all of his cute (but not so cute in the middle of the night) baby noises. In the meantime his sister woke up several times  throughout the night screaming, "mommyyyyy," and "chocolate milkkkkkkkkk," and "no, no, nooooo." Her breathing wasn't great so she ended up getting to spend some time with daddy, getting a breathing treatment, a diaper change, and  even a story, meanwhile mommy nursed...and nursed...and nursed. Then I snuck away to give still-awake Eden some two a.m. cuddles before crawling back into bed.

This morning when I woke up, exhausted (did I really even sleep at all?), the dreary, rainy weather outside, not helping matters at all, a thought occurred to me......What if these days..... these exhausting days of night feedings and cuddles,  crying,  temper tantrums, endless nursing, breathing treatments and antibiotics, mommy brain, and spit up wearing are the best days of our lives? What if they are the days that we look back on and think, I wish we could go back to those days. I wish I hadn't wished those days away. So many people out in public, at church, the grocery store, the mall, stop and stare longingly at our sweet children and tell us how they miss those days or how they wished their kids or grandkids were so small again. Such sweet times, they say, and you can see in their eyes that they are reliving those memories, they are longing for those times.

I don't want to wish these days away, these days that just might be the best days, away. I don't want to rush them being little. I want to enjoy every minute of it, every sleep deprived minute, and thank God for the two little ones that he has blessed us with, amidst all of the chaos.

Mommy Day

I was planning on taking Eden to daycare for the afternoon today so that I could get my hair done, but I didn't sleep...pretty much...at all....last night----my brain just wouldn't turn off-- so I asked Josh to take her this morning, thinking that I would sleep in. Didn't happen, so I'm working on being productive today to keep my mind off of the fact that in less than one week this baby has to come out.  I've done it before, right? Shouldn't be scary, right? Aghhh.. I'm looking forward more than anything to him being here, but not actually looking forward to the getting him here part. Not looking forward to the  IV, or the numbing shot or the spinal shot, or the out of control part, or the possible puking part, or the fact that my uterus will be outside of me laying on my chest. Yep, not looking forward to that.

So on that being productive..I've spent the morning planning for Edens second birthday party (less than a month away!!!), Alyssa's bridal shower, and organizing the nursery. This afternoon, I have plans for lunch with Chelsea, hair appointment (last color and cut before Emmett comes), and I might even stop and use one of my birthday gift cards to get a latte at Starbucks.... and during it all, I get to do the lovely 24 hour urine sample, one last time to check for any underlying Preeclampsia. The lab forgot the pilgrim's hat to pee into, so it's gonna be one of the more interesting urine collections--and I may or may not be using Eden's potty. Don't judge.

Time to stop blogging. and stop watching Parenthood (seriously, how did I not find this series sooner!?) and get back onto that whole being productive thing!

Adventures with Eden

I cannot get over how much fun and how exciting each new day with Eden is as she grows older and bigger and learns so many new things... Every day is something new.

On singing...She has learned how to sing her very first song all the way through, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. One of the best renditions was probably when she was sick, sleeping in between mommy and daddy, and she sat up out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night, singing it. Then she laid back down and fell asleep. That same night she sat up and said, "pizza? pizza?" I think the breathing treatments...or the beandryl..or a combination of both, made her a tiny bit loopy, but boy was it cute. It's basically the only song she can sing, but she wants to sing it all the time. On a rare occasion, she will sing part of "I love you" from Barney and "Row, row, row your boat."

On talking...Her vocabulary is growing so much and she is putting full sentences together, asking what things are all. of. the. time., pointing out colors, counting, and telling us just exactly how she feels about everything. Anytime she leaves the room, she has to yell, "I be right back." Anytime she wants to help buckle her car seat, or get her own diaper, or open the door, or close the door, or put on her bib, "Mommy, I do it!" Anytime she is leaving, or pretending to leave, she yells, "Bye bye, seeya, have fun!" She proudly tells us now, "I'm a big girl." I'm hoping she keeps that attitude when baby brother arrives, and doesn't regress into being a baby again, although I have a feeling this will be a phase that she will go through.

On temper tantrums...Yep, she's got that down, just like any almost-two-year-old does. Yesterday for instance, going in to the doctor's office, she wanted to push her stroller, and when Josh pushed it instead, so that we could make it into the office in a decent amount of time, she threw herself on the ground screaming and crying--to everyones' amusement.

On just being adorable...This week I also got my favorite video of her ever. She picked up the stethoscope that goes along with the blood pressure cuff and said, "I'm a doctor," she put it on my stomach, and started saying, "beep beep, beep beep, beep beep," listening to the baby's heart beat of course... :)

On her interests...She loves all things Minnie Mouse, wants to listen to Barney Music 24/7, would watch Daniel Tiger for hours (if we would let her), she loves pretty much all food, but yogurt, fruit, cheese, bananas, applesauce are all her favorites. She's a mommy's girl but loves when daddy chases her and reads to her and spins her around. 

I never knew how much love I could have for my sweet daughter. I can't believe that in less than a month she will be a two. No one is kidding when they say, "They grow up so fast."

2014 in Review

This year was a good year.

On Being Mommy- 2014 was a year that I got to spend watching sweet Eden grow from a baby to a  toddler. I got to experience the world through her eyes and see the world from her perspective of newness.  To her, all things are new. It was such a cool thing, and something I am so grateful for. Her personality is becoming so fun and I am just in awe of all of the things that she is learning every day. So many fun firsts too, that I am blessed to have been able to experience with her---learning to walk, first time trick or treating, expanding her vocabulary (this morning she told me, "no mommy, you stay," when I was trying to leave for work,) riding rides at Holiday World, sliding, first haircut, moving up to a big girl bed, feeding herself Orange leaf fro yo---(mommy's ultimate pregnancy craving with her.) Can't wait to experience more firsts (like her first time being a big sister) with her in 2015.

On family- Well, in 2014, Josh and I announced that we would be expanding our family in 2015. We found out in the summer that we were pregnant and were beyond thrilled--and then found out in the fall that we would be adding a little BOY to the family, and naming him Emmett Andrew.  He will be here mid February-Early March, and we are so excited!! Josh and I also celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary this year.

Both my brother and  my sister in law got engaged in 2014. My sister-in-law also got married, and we welcomed Clint into the family, and they announced the start of their family with a baby due in late summer, so I learned that I am going to be an aunt for the first time! Whew. 2014 was certainly busy for them.

2014 was my dad's first full year retired, and I am thankful for all the times that he came to EVV on short notice to watch his sick granddaughter or to help out in anyway we needed. It definitely made our lives easier.

On faith- God has taught me to trust in him. With everything that happened in 2013 I almost felt as if my life was over. For a time, I felt like I had life before my dad was diagnosed with HD and life after, like they were two separate lives that were in no way connected. However, God has been teaching me this year that he is bigger and stronger than any "thing" in our life, even a  disease that seems pretty big. He is faithful in the calm and in the storm. He has shown me time and time again that when things feel out of control, I can still trust in him, I can still take refuge in him. I don't have to be afraid. I spent  the end of 2013 and a good chunk of 2014 giving this disease control. God showed me this year that I don't have to do that, and I finally feel his peace.

On teaching- This has been my first year teaching fifth grade reading and I have loved (almost) every minute of it. Fifth grade is such a cool age, where they still care about your approval and want to please you, but they are also able to have conversations and understand things on a deeper level. The fifth grade class this year overall is phenomenal, and I feel blessed to have been able to teach them. It's also kind of funny that they were the same kiddos that I taught in third grade when I was pregnant with Eden, and now I am teaching them again, this time pregnant with Emmett.

In review this year has been a year of love for my family, learning to trust in God (a lesson that I am sure I will continue to learn and re-learn and learn again throughout my life),  another year of doing a job that I love, and getting to do my second job as mommy, a year of experiencing the small, everyday life things, and learning that these things are really the big things. 2014 has been good to me, and I look forward to what 2015 has to bring.