Day 13

The Tower of Impossibility


Verse:“Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.” (Proverbs 24:14)

Lysa says,"Standing before a decadent dessert table piled high like a tempting tower was a daunting task. I was glowing with the first flush of success with my healthy eating plan, but now I found myself at the blow-out wedding of the season. A mere wedding cake was not enough panache for this soiree. Instead, a full buffet of chocolate truffles accompanied the groom’s cake. It was beautiful. And I 

wanted one of each flavor!

To be completely honest and open with you, I haven't really felt that success as far as my healthy eating  plan goes.  For instance, this weekend, standing in front of the snack table that had been laid out at the bachelorette party, I felt defeated, before even taking one bite. I told myself from the start that I was no match for the sweet and salty treats. . . I forgot all about the journey, and the hope that I should have in Christ. This is a hope that I should have used to smash the food-defeat that I was feeling.  

Lysa speaks of the time when she finally overcame the obstacle of letting food control her. (I hope to one day feel this way!!)"The particular healthy-eating plan that I had chosen was full of wisdom about the realities of food’s interaction with my body. In addition, I had put some healthy boundaries in place, surrounded myself with a like-minded friend, and replaced old lies in my mind with new truths. This new foundation began to slowly build, one day at a time. Healthy choices piled on top of each other day after day. Then, one day I woke up for the first time feeling incredibly empowered. I still did the typical routine with the scale—no clothes and no ponytail holder. My body was slowly changing because I had lost some weight. But the most thrilling feeling was knowing that my heart was changing. (I do feel like throughout this jouney that my heart has changed--and it is continuing to change, however I know that God still has a lot of work to do.)

"Hope over despair tasted better than any food I’d ever given up. I had sought God’s perspective using prayer, boundaries, and His fulfillment as my source. I realized nothing was worth compromising the path of victory I was on—not even the tower of truffles!

I paved my victory path by imagining every good choice I made was like settling another brick into place: bricks of prayer, wise choices, closeness to God, closeness to others, confidence, energy, and focus. Each and every time I conquered a temptation by making a healthy choice, I became stronger and stronger. And, brick by brick, prayer by prayer, good choice by good choice, my hope soared. I’m making positive physical changes, but even more importantly, I’m making wise spiritual changes. As Proverbs 24:14 reminds me, walking in spiritual wisdom secures my hope that this healthy journey will not end in defeat:

Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

As you face similar temptations, I can’t promise that there won’t be any more tears. There will be. And I can’t promise that sweets will no longer appeal to you. They may. I can’t even promise that the number on the scale will magically drop as quickly as you wish. It probably won’t. But gaining spiritual wisdom along the way will set your feet on a sure path of victory. Press on, my friend!"

I hope that these words from Lysa give you some encouragement today. I also hope that you will let me know how I can be praying for you on this journey. Thanks for your prayers.

Day 12

Last night, I did not make wise food choices. Tostadas, fried shrimp, mudslide just to name a few of my embarrassingly terrible choices, but I refuse to beat myself up about it. I am going to know that as a child of God, I am still beautiful. Still forgiven. Still loved. This morning I made a better choice. I had the knife ready to cut into the moist, gooey brownies that the couple we are staying with so kindly made. My mouth was watering and I could practically taste the brownie. Then I heard that voice inside my head telling me to flee! For a minute, I made rationalizations in my mind about why I should be able to have that brownie, guilt free, please. and thank you. But at last, I stepped away from the brownies, grabbed a nutri-grain bar, fruit, and a cup of coffee and darted out of the kitchen before my taste buds could change my mind about the brownies that were still screaming my name. Now that I am satisfied by my healthy choices, I no longer have any desire for those brownies. Thank you Jesus. 

Today, I am hosting a bachelorette party in Nashville, TN for two very close friends. This is me telling you to keep me accountable (whether you are there or not) for the food/drink choices that I make this weekend. I definitely know that at one point or another, "This is a special occasion and I deserve it!" will cross my mind, but I also know that God does not want me continuing on this cycle. He is helping me to break free, and I do not want to take one giant leap backwards just for one weekend/night of fun that in the end will leave me filling emptier than before.

The verse to get us focused today is this, “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:17–19)


Lysa says, "For years, I walked around with a little heart-shaped cup in my soul, holding it out to people or things trying to find fulfillment. Some of us hold out our heart-shaped cup and expect a husband to love us in ways that rights our wrongs and fills up our insecurities. Sometimes, we expect our kids to be successful so that we look good and feel validated by their accomplishments. Or, we hope that a successful career will confirm that we are a valuable human being.

At times, I have asked the impossible of all of these. But my consistent “friend” of choice over the years has been food. Imagine my little heart-shaped cup as a candy dish, using sweets and snacks to soothe my emotions."

What are you holding out your little heart-shaped cup to? For me it has always been food, but throughout high school it was boyfriends as well. I was always left wondering why my heart-shaped bowl never felt full. 

If you are on this wonderful journey, you, like me, need to change old lies with new truths. Here is what Lysa has to say about that,

Old lie: “I am such a failure when it comes to my diet.”

New truth: “I am not a failure. I am a lavishly loved child of God. Part of my right as a child of God is to operate in a power beyond myself. The Holy Spirit is God’s gift to me. So it is possible for me to use the self-control I’ve been given.”

Old lie: “I need these Oreos!”

New truth: “The thought that these Oreos will fill me is a lie. They will taste good for just the few minutes it will take to eat them. Then that hollow feeling of guilt will rush in as soon as the chocolate high dissipates. If I truly need a snack right now, I am capable of choosing a healthier option.”

Old lie: “God seems far away and French fries are right around the corner at the drive-thru.”

New truth: “French fries don’t love me. And the only lasting thing I get from them is the cholesterol and cellulite they inevitably leave behind, which will just compound my frustration. God’s love is here in this moment and in many more to come. His love is true and carries with it only positive residual 

effects.” 

I need to remind myself daily that the ONLY, ONLY ONLY thing that is going to fill me is the love and grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This is both comforting and wonderful. With this knowledge, I know that my little heart-shaped cup can and will be filled to the brim and even overflowing when I choose to be filled up by His love and grace alone. 

Day 11

Sorry that it has been 3 days. (I vowed to at least blog every other day.)  Time just flies. I started my new job today as a 9 week extended sub at Howard Roosa with 1-4 grade Special Education and I think I am really going to like it. The staff there is wonderful.

Anyway, the Made to Crave topic is, It's Not Fair! This one definitely applies to me, because I can definitely say that I've felt that way and thought that thought a time or two, or maybe three? Can I get an Amen? Do you know what I am talking about?

This is the verse, to get us focused: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.… That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10)


Lysa shares this story in her blog, that I can totally relate to, "A huge piece of delicious looking cake was delivered to our table. It was my favorite … it was our anniversary … and it was free! But I was at the beginning of my healthy eating adventure, which excluded sugary confections. So I graciously 
offered it to my husband. But inside a different dialogue was playing in my mind, “It’s not fair!”


Man have I ever felt that way! At times I long, wish, crave, to be able to inhale a large coke and a mozzerrela sticks like nobody's business, while still maintaining the tiny waist that said person (*cough, my husband) is able to maintain. I wish that I could enjoy that rich, moist chocolate cake with creamy vanilla ice-cream at that restaurant like my close friend does, without any guilt..or weight added 
to my thighs. But for me, that's just not how it is.

"I think this is one of the biggest tricks Satan plays to get us to give in to temptation. Saying “It’s not fair!” has caused many a girl to toss aside what she knows is right for the temporary thrill of whatever it is that does seem fair. We complain, “It’s not fair that I gain weight so easily when everyone else seems to eat whatever they want and stay trim.”

Now, realize that the dessert itself is not the problem. But if one piece of dessert leads to two and that leads to other compromises, which leads to wrecking our whole healthy eating plan, then the downward spiral reflects how temptation traps us in so many areas of life. I’ve experienced this vicious cycle myself, and I’m here to give you hope that it is possible to conquer it."

When I began to get the, It's Not Fair, mindset, then I know that I am relying on my own strength and not on God's. That is when I begin to make justifications. "She can do it, so I should be able to too." "It's my birthday." "I've been so good." "It's just one time." "Everyone else is doing it." "What can it hurt?" This is when I know that I need to turn to God's strength. "With God ALL things are possible."

Lysa tells the following story, " This battle reminds me of the time I counseled a dating couple about setting boundaries in their physical relationship. They were looking forward to the best that marital sex had to offer, but struggled with maintaining purity in the face of immediate and temporary passion. They were tempted with the thought, “It’s not fair that we can’t have sex before we’re married when we’re so in love. Everyone else does.” My advice to them was to think beyond the moment, to say out loud, “This feels good now, but how will I feel about this in the morning? The truth is, compromising my commitments for the sake of physical pleasure is not God’s best for me.”

The same advice powerfully applies to our area of struggle. As we recite truth, God’s power can fill the gap of our weakness. I don’t know what you might be struggling with today, but I can assure you that God is just and fair. There is a good reason why we must face our temptations. The struggle to say “no” may be painful in the moment, but the process is working out something magnificent within us.

I think it is important to memorize the words that God has given us that deal with unhealthy food choices. This way, when temptations come our way, we can battle them with God's word, and how could we not win?!

Day 10

Day number 10. Hmmm.. Has my way of thinking really changed? I just woke up yesterday morning with cramps. I didn't know that dropping one bc pill could cause mega cramps and starting 5 days early. But look likes I was wrong. Ouch. . So, I just had to have that nonfat carmel latte and everything bagel, which they were out of, so I had a blueberry bagel instead. I mean, I HAD to have it. Yes, it was one of those mornings, but did I  really need it? No. Did I really have to have it? No. The weekend didn't get any better after that. Let's just say it was pretty much a no-exercise-carb-fest. Black buggy for lunch yesterday. Chicken dinners at my parents. Girl Scout Cookies. Pancakes. Then a birthday dinner of lasagna, garlic bread, and Red Velvet cake, oh and salad.. But I couldn't give up any of those things, because it was my birthday dinner. Right?


Anyway, today was a very good day..despite the carby feeling. I spent the weekend at my parents house with Josh. Last night mom, dad, and I watched Life As We Knew It. Today we went to church. Then the family came over for my birthday dinner. (Grammy and Grandpa, Peggy and Floyd, Macy & Moses) It was a very pleasant day (minus the overflowing toilet, but we won't go there. :))


Today's topic is exercise. This is the thought for the day, "I fully realize that my body as a temple may not be God’s most grand dwelling. However, I want to lift up to the Lord my willingness to dedicate my exercise as a gift to Him and myself. This one act un-divides my heart and reminds me of the deeper purposes for moving my body."

Lysa says, An undivided heart. My heart was divided between exercising for another person’s reasons or finding my own motivation. I’ve found that when it comes to my body, which 1 Corinthians 6:19 calls “a temple of the Holy Spirit,” that I can’t live with divided loyalties. I can either be loyal to honoring the Lord, my husband, and my body, or be loyal to my cravings, desires, and excuses for not exercising.

An Old Testament story in Haggai struck me with the problem that a divided heart creates before God. The Israelites were charged to take care of God’s physical temple by rebuilding the actual structure. But just like most of us, they struggled with a heart divided by concerns about the everyday needs of their city and homes. And so God’s people neglected building the temple for ten years. Each year, something else seemed to be more important.

I personally do love working out, but at times I still feel myself being torn, pulled in to doing other things instead. Even when I have the day off, sometimes I still feel like there are not enough hours in the day . . . I have been pretty good about working out, but sometimes I feel like I am working out just to make up for unhealthy foods that I've eaten instead of to glorifying God.

Just as God promised the Israelites blessings for obedience, he warned them of consequences for not rebuilding the temple as He desired. And while we may not feel the effects of ignoring our health immediately, our choices will eventually catch up to us.

I finally admitted that I needed to make time, just like the Israelites, to care for my temple—my body. Each day of working out makes me feel better, stronger. When I am done with an early morning workout, it makes me feel like I can do anything with God's helped. Especially when he gets me through a specially hard workout that I absolutely did not want to do---but I did it with God's.

I fully realize that my temple may not be God’s most grand dwelling. However, I want to lift up my willingness to the Lord and dedicate my exercise as a gift to Him and myself. This one act un-divides my heart and reminds me of the deeper purposes for moving my body. How might you start rebuilding your temple today? Maybe running is not your thing. No problem. I say the best exercise for you is the kind you’ll do.

Day 9

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22–23)

Self-control is hard. We don’t like to deny ourselves. We don’t think it’s necessary. We make excuses and declare, “That’s nice for someone else, but I could never give up ____________!” (fill in the blank: soda, sugar, cupcakes, smoking …)

For me, I tell myself that I could never give up pizza, chips and queso, lattes, chocolate, etc, etc, etc...All of the things that I feel like I must have, and why should I deny myself?

"If we’re relying on ourselves, that excuse may be true. But there’s another level to self-control that too few of us find. In Matthew 19:23–24, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven … it’s easier for the camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

In other words, Jesus was saying that it’s hard for people who are satisfied with the things of this world to deny themselves. It’s hard for someone who is rich with excess to deny herself and be humble enough to admit, “I must give this up.” When the disciples heard this teaching, they were confused until Jesus clarified; “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (verse 26).

Think of it this way, with man it is impossible to deny ourselves  that buttery popcorn at the movies, ice cream sundae for dessert or that sugar coated cereal to start our day. But with GOD all things are this possible!

Are you leaning on yourself or on God for your self-control?

Beautiful Birthday

BYesterday was my 23rd birthday. Weird as it may sound, when I was young, I used to dream of being 23. At times, I even imagined being 23. Don't ask me why, it always just seemed like a magical age. So here it is, the age I have been waiting my whole life for. Here's too hoping it's as good as my child-heart thought it would be.

I had a wonderful birthday. The weather was more beautiful than any other year I can remember on February 16th. On many years there has been lots of snow and no school, but yesterday the weather was perfect. Riley and I took a long walk in the morning. Then my mom picked me up and we did some bargain shopping at Kohls. They were having a huge sale and she had 30% off. I got a dress for the Bachelorette party next weekend, some super cute teacher clothes, earrings, headbands, sunglasses, and some Eric Carl books. We had lunch with my brother at Qdoba. Then Mom and I got Riley and went for a second walk down by the river.  In the evening, I spent time with Josh. He got me a new Bible, because mine was beginning to fall apart. It is an NLT Woman's Study Bible and it has my name engraved on the front. I love it! For dinner, we met 11 of my wonderful friends at Hacienda. Oh, and Hank and Julie made a birthday sign for the stairs with paper plates. They are the best!

Today, I got a great late birthday present. I was offered an eight week maternity leave at Howard Roosa Elementary School. I AM VERY EXCITED!

Made to Crave will come later. Have a nice evening!

Thought for Today

Riley and I took a little over a two mile walk today to walk off the donuts and latte. :) It was very nice outside. Riley might not have appreciated the nice weather though, because he is still on guard, still not used to the city. Anyway we passed an elderly man who was waiting for the bus. He chatted a minute and then I told him to have a good day. He said, "Everyday that I am alive is another good day." I'm glad I met him,  because it has got me asking myself if I think of each day that way. Maybe you should ask yourself that same question. :)

Day 8

My interview at Joshua Academy went very well, but they will not be making decisions about teaching positions for next year for a couple of months. The principal ensured me that they would not forget about me. Today, I had a meeting at Evansville Christian School to begin subbing there and I have my interview on Friday to begin subbing in EVSC. I'm ready to get busy and start getting my feet in some doors! Josh and I went out for Valentine's last night. He got me a card and Gerber Daisies (our wedding flower) They're really pretty. We had an appetizer at Stoney's and dinner at Angelos, the restaurant we went the night we got engaged and last Valentines Day. It was a very good night.

Made to Crave
Have you ever had the I'll Start Again on Monday attitude? I know I have, along with probably almost every other woman whose ever attempted a diet or healthy eating plan. This is the theme for day 8, and this is the verse that goes along with it:
 “Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you with expectation.
I have definitely had the thoughts of I'll Start Again on Monday, more recently than I would prefer to admit. Mine was a little different though. It was an attitude of I'll Start Again Once we Move. . It'll be easier then.  Before we moved though, I needed  to treat myself to countless dinners out with friends, and of course ordering a salad for our last dinner out wouldn't even make sense, and I needed to have that ice cream one more time, and of course we had to try that new restaurant before we left .. . and I must have peanut butter pie. . . It goes on and on, and now that we are here I have realized that the "I'll start later later" attitude just won't cut it. It is a vicious cycle and a set of lies that just ends in defeat and dissatisfaction. 


 Lysa says, "I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wander around on a fruitless path unable to enter into the abundant life God has for me."


Each day we have to choose to make God our focus, not food. It is a continuous choice. Use your cravings as a prompt to pray. When I really want that unnecessary late night snack that my husband is having, I pray. When I'd prefer the fried chicken over the grilled, I pray. When it's been a stressful day, instead of raiding the cabinets for something sweet, I pray. This is not what I always do, but this is the journey that I am on---
Eventually, I hope to be able to tell you that every time I have a craving, I replace it with a prayer. 


Lysa says, For example, when we make God our focus, we can wake up in the morning and say “God, I want a biscuit this morning. Instead, I’m eating poached eggs. I’m thankful for these eggs, but I’ll be honest in saying my cravings for other things are hard to resist. But instead of wallowing in what I can’t have, I’m making the choice to celebrate what I can have.”


What better way to live than fully in today rather than always looking to start over on Mondays!

Day 7

Today was a wonderful Sunday. Woke up. Had coffee on the porch. Waited for Josh and Riley to get back from their walk. Went to Church. Made lunch/ate lunch/ napped with Bridgett. Decorated Josh's new office. Hung out at home. Good day. So proud of my husband. Tomorrow is his first day at his new job. I know he will do great!

Now, for Made to Crave!
“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you ever met a woman who loves the way she looks completely 100% of the time. If this woman exists, she has a great gift, because this is not the case for me. Sure, sometimes I look in the mirror and think that a certain top makes me look particularly slim, and on this day, I have slightly more confidence, but more often than not, I can find some flaw that I use to tear myself apart---something that I do not think is good enough, not the way I want it to be.
Lysa says, "We tend to focus on what we see wrong with our bodies, including negative impressions and comments that stick with us from childhood. In middle school, weight wasn’t my biggest concern, but rather my ankles … yes, my ankles! A boy I liked once called them “tankles.” You bet that left a scar." 
Sounds silly, but I know exactly how she feels. In elementary school, a girl nicknamed me "Big Toes." I haven't forgotten . . .

"But if I allow my brain to park in a place of dissatisfaction about my body, it gives Satan room to strip me of motivation by whispering, “Your body is never going to look the way you want it to look, so why sacrifice so much? Everyone eventually falls apart. Your discipline is in vain.” That’s why I have to seek the Lord’s perspective, such as the reminder in Psalms:

Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name … and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. (Psalm 103:1–5)"

My body is not perfect, but I am working on being satisfied with the body that God has given me. My body is a gift from God. A good gift, that I may choose to use to glorify Him, instead of dwelling on the imperfections of it.

"Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” I’ve found my beautiful. And I like my beautiful. I don’t have to hold my beautiful up to other people’s bodies with a critical eye of judgment. I pray that you see your beautiful today and enjoy the blessings of the body that God gave you."

Each morning I have to wake up and make the choice to see myself as the beautiful creature that God has created me to be. It doesn't always happen, but it is a continual process. I pray that you've found your beauty or are in the process of doing it as well.

Made to Crave Day 6

Josh and I moved today. We are now settled in to Hank and Julie's on the third floor, in what they call the condo. Josh and Riley are both asleep. I think they fell asleep as soon as their head hit the pillow, or the floor in Riley's case. :) This is a new beginning, a new journey that God has us on, and I am excited for what he has in store. I'm also really worn out from the ride...:)


On day six, Lysa said,"It’s possible to muster up the occasional gumption to avoid the slippery slope of compromising a diet. But more often than not, we need measures of accountability. For me, one of the most effective accountability measures has been mutually tracking progress with a friend.


For me, my blog is one of the biggest ways that I am kept accountable. So many people have told me that they are following my blog, that I know that I have people who are there to help me along this journey. (Plus, I hate to admit that I've taken a step back on this journey, or sometimes more like a leap.) Several of you even asked me about those rolls at Roadhouse the other night. So thanks guys. Thanks for being the accountability and support I need. Josh tries, but when it's nine o'clock and his metabolism is allowing him to scarf down a second dinner of  a taco from Taco John's and a large coke, I have to remind myself that I am full, satisfied even, and just because he is having a taco, does not mean that I need to crave what I do not need. By the way, my evening was completely fine and I was totally satisfied without that taco.


Lysa says it is so important to have a friend who is going to keep you accountable during this process. Ashlee, whether she knows it or not, is that friend for me. Even when we are not together, I can send her a quick text, and tell her that in that specific moment, I want nothing more than the gooey cinammon rolls that my husband has just pulled from the oven for a late night snack. I can practically taste them, but this is not good enough, I need a cinammon roll. This is where (if I am lucky) I do not give in in the moment, instead I take the time to text Ashlee, and she questions where my desire for that cinnamon roll is coming from, and if I am in fact physically hungry, she helps me come up with a healthier snack.In case you were wondering, instead of those cinammon rolls, I had Special K. 


Oh by the way, for the first time today, I craved yogurt and grapefruit. I believe that Lysa was right when she said that we as women crave what we consume. YAY!


So, if you follow me, I would love the encouragement of knowing that you are keeping me accountable on this journey, and if you're ready to begin your journey too, order the book, and I'd love to walk along with you. It's so much easier with the accountability and support of a friend.


Goodnight. I am going to join Josh and Riley in catching some wonderful zzzz's. 

Day 5 & Seeya Laters

I did not read my Made to Crave Chapter today, and I am not in the right mindset to do so right now. Too many things on my mind. Today was too busy to cram it in with not getting enough sleep last night, packing, kindergarteners, packing, dinner with friends, cleaning, packing, saying good-byes...I mean, see ya laters, and did I mention packing? If nothing else today, I thought a lot about how I need to be so much more conscious about the food that I eat. Don't even ask how many pieces, uhmmm,I mean loaves of bread I had at Johnny Carinos. But I think right now, God is working on getting me to realize where my cravings are. So that is all I have to say about that. . .  :)

I failed to mention some very important people in my last blog. I guess I just took for granted that the amazing friends I've made here would know how much I am going to miss them, but I also expect that they will be here when come back for visits, unlike the ELC and AWANA kids/friends. The ELC is closing after this year, although my kids would be moving on anyway (but until then I will be pen-paling with my class from last semester via email. . . I am very excited to stay in touch with them this way!), and I will never be here on a Wednesday night for AWANA. Amazing friends like Chrissy & Neil, Manda & DJ, The Bible study groups, ELC friends, and everyone else we have spent time getting to know, will so be missed. BUT I am determined that because good-byes make me sad, this is not good-bye, this is Seeya later Alligator. . .or maybe just Seeya later. We will stay in a cabin in the mountains sometime together. There will be shopping trips and dinners...And one day our little ones will play together, because those are the kind of friendships that last. :)

Anyway, it is time to get back to the joy of packing.
This very well could be my very last post from this old farmhouse.
I'll meet ya in Evansville. :)

Day 4 & Other Things

I don't have a lot to say tonight about the journey, I am on. But I am pondering the following,
"Are your cravings a curse or a blessing? The answer to that question depends on what you’re craving, because what we’re craving will always depend on whatever we’re consuming. Is it the object of our desire, or God and His truth?"
Today before each food choice I made, I asked myself the following question, Yes, it is permissible, but is it beneficial? 
Oh, and the Lemon Meringue pie that my mother in law made was delicious. Permissible, yes. Probably not beneficial to the fact that I would like my dress pants to be a little bit looser for my interviews next week. But definitely delicious. . .Hmm . . 


On a different note, Josh and I are spending our last day in the are tomorrow. We will be moving on Saturday morning, after breakfast with the in-laws. It will not be final for a while, and so we will still be home on some weekends, but our time here, overall is coming to an end. I will miss the ELC, my kids, there and the staff. I will also miss church, and my kids at AWANA. BUT, I am so excited for all of the new things that God has in store. It is a new beginning, a new chapter, the beginning of a new journey, and I am beginning to get very excited.


Back to two paragraphs above...Yes, I do have INTERVIEWS! I have an interview at one school for a maternity leave on Monday. Then I have a meeting at another school to discuss potential positions, and on Thursday, I have my EVSC subbing interview.


God is preparing the way for me. 
and I love it!
So here is my vow, not to worry!

My Made to Crave Journey Day 3

There are two reasons why I do not want to blog today.

1. Chinese buffet.
2. Wendy's Jr Frosty

Kind of ironic that todays devotion is titled, "Excuse me, pass the shame please," because shame, mixed with other things is what I feel having to tell you all this today.  I could give you a laundry list of reasons why I chose to go to the Chinese Buffett last night. I could blame it on the fact that Moses wanted to go, or that I haven't had it for a while, or tell you that it was healthier than the Steak-N-Shake alternative. I could tell you that the Wendy's frosty was because the kids wanted one, despite the fact that I'm the one who craved ice cream, and then announced that the putt-putt golf winner had to take the rest out to ice cream. (Which was Josh, luckily, because he was the only with money.) But I will tell you that in the moment of wanting that food, it is easy to just say, it doesn't really matter. To compromise, instead of keeping the promise of eating healthy that I have made with myself.  I'll start over for tomorrow. I don't need to lose weight. (Which by the way is not why I am taking this journey). Lysa speaks of this truth though, that amazes me each time I think about it.


"We were made for more! More than this failure … more than this cycle … more than being ruled by our taste buds, body image, rationalizations, and guilt. We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth."


Finding my way back to truth was exactly what I needed to do last night.


Lysa also speaks of this truth, "Ephesians 1:18–19 says: “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which [God] has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.”

This truth is a great script to play in our heads every time we’re tempted with guilt, rationalizations, or the “I’ll-do-better-tomorrow” escape clauses. Do any of these sound familiar?

“I’m good in every other area.”

“I’ll do better tomorrow.”

“For heaven’s sake, everyone has issues. So what if food is mine?”

Today I will say it. "I was made for more!" 

and again, "I was made for more!" 

Say it with me this time, "We were made for more!"

I was made for more than the red hots that tempted me today, and more than the rolls that will surely tempt me tonight. 

I was made for more.

And so were you. 

Now ask me tomorrow about those rolls. :)

My Made to Crave Journey DAY 2

Yesterday was DAY 1 of My Made to Crave Journey, and here is how day 1 went. Here's me being honest, spilling it all, even what I am not proud of.

I had oatmeal with peanut butter for Breakfast, which kept me feeling full most of the morning. When it came time for lunch, I wheat made pasta with roasted veggies and tomato sauce. I picked out most of the veggies, because they didn't "taste good," and added Parmesan cheese, to make it taste better. :) I had some almonds and grapefruit for a snack in the afternoon. Around 5pm, I began to feel shaky. I took my temperature, thinking maybe I had a fever and was coming down with something, but I did not. Josh and I had dinner plans with Chrissy and Neil, so we headed for their house a little before six. When we got there, they had bean dip and chips sitting out, along with hummus and pita chips. Since I'd been feeling shaky, I convinced myself that eating would make me feel better, so I sat for at least twenty minutes eating the bean, sour cream, cheesy, salsa, vegetable goodness. But, it had veggies, so it must have been good for me, right? Wrong! I wasn't even hungry for the meal, but I still managed to eat taco salad with chips, and then. . . .some more dip. I had to remove myself from the vicinity of the dip to keep from eating it, AND, if I'm being completely honest, at one point, I even moved back next to the bean dip, even though I was already full!

I beat myself up, beginning the cycle again. Thinking tomorrow, will be better! But in the back of my mind, I told myself that it would never be better. Then I remembered to pray, and  that is exactly what I did.

In the introduction of her book, Lysa describes the three different areas that we as women fight a battle in

1. "Spiritually-  I have to ask God to give me the desire to eat healthy. I knew a vanity-seeking "want to" would never last. Shallow desires produce shallow efforts." I have to beg, pray, cry out to God, the way Lysa did, and if I know this, then each day, he will give me just enough want to, mixed with his strength alone, to make healthy choices, and to desire healthy things.  God gave me enough want to yesterday to walk away from the Dove Milk Chocolates that were leftover from a Christmas gift. Sure, in that moment, I only wanted one, but one would have become two, and two three, and three four. . . You get the picture. I prayed, and as silly as it might sound, God redirected my craving and gave me just enough "want to" to walk away from those tiny temptations.  He also gave me even more want-to when my husband made Cinnamon rolls at 9:00 last night. Who really needs Cinnamon rolls at 9:00pm? But as the amazing  sweet aroma began to fill our house, the answer to that question was, "ME, ME, ME, I NEED THOSE CINAMMON ROLLS!" But, I prayed for just enough want to, to pass them up, and afterwards it definitely felt like I had fought and won a battle.
2."Physically- When I began this journey, I finally had to admit what I eat matters. My weight is a direct reflection of my choices and the state of my health. You need to eat better and move more."


3."Mentally- I had to decide I was tired of settling, tired of compromising. What happens when you delete 'com' from the word 'compromise?' You're left with a promise. We were made for more than compromise. We were made for God's promises in every area of our lives. I am made for more than a vicious cycle of eating, gaining, stressing---eating, gaining, stressing.. I am made to rise up, to battle with my issues and, using the Lord's strength in me--defeat them--spiritually, physically, and mentally--to the glory of  God.


I am on a path that is going to offer me both physical and spiritual benefits. God is worth the effort that it takes to walk away from a  Dove chocolate or to say no way to a late night Cinnamon roll. God is worth it, and even when it gets harder, he will continue to be worth it.

My Made to Crave Journey DAY 1

I am reading Made to Crave: Satisfying your Greatest Desires with God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst. Lysa is the president of Proverbs 31 ministries. 


In her book, Lysa says, "There was a time when I felt utterly defeated in the area of food and health. I knew that I needed to make changes not because of the number on the scale or what clothing size I was. I knew it because of the battle that raged in my heart. I craved, I desired, I thought about, and arranged my life around food."  This is why Lysa wrote her book. She wrote her book for every woman who feels the way that she does, and after only two chapters, I have been sucked in, and I truly believe that every woman should read this book. We were made to crave, but we were made to crave GOD not FOOD!


For the next 21 days, I will read, pray, and examine the desires of my heart.. As I read, I will blog. I am going to be real, open, raw. I am going to write things that I have never spoken out loud. These are things that I've kept hidden in the back corners of my heart; too ashamed to let anyone else find out. 
Afterall, I am a good Christian girl, leader of Bible studies and prayer groups, teacher of Sunday school and Kindergarten, etc. etc, etc.... More importantly, I am a lover of Jesus. I do love him, so why do I crave other things more than I crave him? Because if I am completely honest with myself, many times, I crave those fries drenched in cheese and bacon  or that peanut butter pie, more than I crave Jesus. 


I have als kept these thoughts, feelings, and weaknesses hidden, because I have been afraid of what other people will say. "Natalie, your weight is fine. You don 't need to lose weight." (It's not about my weight.) "Does God really care about what you eat?" (God doesn't want us to crave anything more than we crave him, so yes, he does care very much). "How can you make your unhealthy eating habits something Biblical?" (uh hum, didn't sin begin with Eve choosing to EAT the forbidden fruit, AND read Matthew 19, thinking of food in place of money . . God does not want us to crave ANYTHING more than we crave Him, and he calls us to give up ANYTHING that we love more than Him!)


In her book, Lysa says, "One day I looked up the definition of the word indulge, which means “unrestrained action.” And for me, it was unrestrained eating. You see, eating in its proper context is not the problem. God gave us food for nourishment, strength, and even celebration. But when pleasure becomes unrestrained, there’s a problem." As Lysa was honest in her book, I will be honest here. Why do I make tortilla chips, guacamole, and cheese dip my comfort? Ice cream and pizza my joy? Fast food my reward for a long, hard day? Why do I long for these things more than I long for God?


This is a battle that I have fought in my heart for the past five years, at least. I have eaten unhealthy, felt guilty, stressed about these unhealthy choices, vowed to do better, counted calories, exercised more, felt better about myself, eaten unhealthy again, felt, guilty, stressed, and the cycle has gone on and on and on .. . I have become obsessed with food, diets, exercise, etc. I have turned to food, more than I turned to God, and this is something that I want to change. I cannot do it without God and I cannot do it without support. I need accountability in this area.


I know without a doubt that God is challenging me to surrender this, my issues with food to his control, and I also know that this will not be an easy task. 


Lysa closes Day 1 with the following quote, "The process of getting healthy has to be about more than just losing weight and focusing on ourselves. It’s not about adjusting our diets and hoping for good physical results. It’s about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change for the right reasons. I’ve realized that a healthy eating plan can be one of the most significant spiritual journeys I’d ever dared to take with God. As you join me for the next twenty days, I hope you soon say the same thing!"


Join me? 
Pray for me? 
Pray with me?
Walk alongside me? 
Keep me accountable?


Thanks for being a part of this journey with me.

In the Dark

Josh and I cam home last night to find out that we were without power. Our house was still sixty-two when we got home, so I do not think it was out for long. We lit about twenty candles and started the fire. We are going to miss that fireplace in our new home. Josh called the electric company and got through after several tries.

Our power was restored a couple of hours later, but it is absolutely crazy how reliant we are on power. We were at a loss for what to do without it, which is kind of sad. We had planned on eating popcorn, watching TV, and packing. While Josh did get one box packed by candlelight, the other two obviously did not happen. This was also the time that my cravings for hot chocolate and hot tea began to happen. That obviously did not happen either. We spent time worrying about how we would shower/iron our clothes in the morning. We also worried about pipes freezing and food spoiling.  I ended up laying on the couch and dozing. It made me think of how blessed we are to just take electricity for granted when so many people do not have it. Praise Jesus for all that he has given us.

Today, I plan to pack some boxes, and hopefully make my husband proud, since he has been the main packer so far. :) Now that our move is a week away, I feel like some serious packing needs to happen. I am also excited that Josh, Riley, and I have a place to stay while we wait for our house to be ready. Our cats will stay at the in-laws until moving day. :)

An Icy Day

Today, school was cancelled due to ice. I was supposed to sub at the ELC for Betty, but that didn't happen. I spent most of the morning in bed with my lazy dog, did some dishes, spent hours filling out an application for Evansville Christian schools, ate some cookie dough, and soup and then did part of p90x plyometrics.  IT. KICKED. MY. BUTT. I need to get back into shape. I also finished the napkins for Katie's wedding. They turned out cute.    It looks pretty outside with a thin case of ice covering everything, but my prayers are with those who are on the road and those who got it worse than we did. I am not sure if we will have school tomorrow or not. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I plan to spend my evening cozy inside with my husband--making dinner, drinking something hot, and maybe cuddling on the couch watching a movie. There is also some house cleaning and scrap booking to be done, but that just might have to wait.

IT'S MOVING MONTH- Our house is set to be done on February 17th, and we should be able to move in sometime before the 28th. We are so excited! I will probably wait to move once our house is ready. Josh is set to start his job on February 14th. (How romantic!?) He will probably stay with Robert until house is ready.

Well, warm wishes to all.. Have a nice night!